The Bells of Saint John

Dear Gary—

The Bells of Saint John is The Idiot’s Lantern redux, complete with motorcycle. I don’t like that previous serial and I like this present one only slightly more, although The Idiot’s Lantern has more personality. Technology as villain is rather lifeless to begin with; at least the Wire leaves behind creepy faceless victims. In Bells all we have are limp bodies littering the landscape; bodies that nobody seems to notice. Mahler does voice a concern that they are bound to draw attention if they upload too many souls at once, but he needn’t worry; the people of Doctor Who Earth are perpetually clueless. At least in Lantern there are some bumbling Men in Black types attempting to give some semblance of control and there are frightened townsfolk wondering what is happening to their loved ones.

Also, in Lantern the Doctor and Rose engage in the world whereas Bell is a much more insular story in which the Doctor and Clara reject the 'domestic approach' and treat those around them, including the victims, merely as backdrop while they furiously tap away at their keyboards. I suppose this is fitting to the all consuming nature of modern personal electronics, and it is a much scarier prospect than the peril as set forth in our story. Mainly because that peril is a vague 'what if' notion posed by the author as an excuse of a threat for the Doctor to conquer with no real explanation provided. What if, it is postulated, there is “something” in the Wi-Fi? What if this “something” can upload souls into it? Souls that now reside as flickering images of their dead bodies in their same clothes that they last had on and surrounded by the last place they were before dying. (I am reminded of old movie clichés depicting natives afraid of Polaroid cameras.) Mind you, nobody would ever notice that people are suddenly dropping like flies around them and popping up as video on their computer monitors. That might be because all those who haven’t yet been uploaded can be remote controlled by some unknown power of this “something.” All for some undisclosed purpose. It’s a hazy, white noise sort of plot that would greatly benefit from some structural definition.

The villain of the piece is yet again the Great Intelligence from the last episode; however we don’t find it out until the last minute. For the bulk of the story the GI’s human puppet is that of a corporate boss from hell flicking switches and determining people’s fates from her office; slightly more entertaining than the monotonously screeching face of the Wire, but only marginally so, and about on par with the Wire’s human compatriot Mr. Magpie.

What The Bells of Saint John has over The Idiot’s Lantern is Clara. Clara is a much more positive influence on the Doctor than Rose ever was and the camaraderie between them less corrosive. As a result the proceedings are more pleasurable to watch, even if the story itself leaves something to be desired.

The ringing TARDIS has been done before, but the opening sequence of Bells is cleverly done. It segues seamlessly from the bizarre nature of the call (“It’s 1207.” “I’ve got half past three; am I phoning a different time zone?”) to a mundane help line conversation. As the amusing scene plays out the Doctor comes to realize he is talking to the twice dead Clara, the mystery girl he went rushing off to find at the end of The Snowmen. (How he thinks cloistering himself in a thirteenth century monastery will accomplish this is another story—and one actually told quite well in the mini prequel.)

Clara is billed as the “Impossible Girl;” however in New Who speak, this translates into “Probable Girl.” Every coincidence and contrivance in the book will always figure prominently in her story. Thus we have the “woman in the shop” handing out the TARDIS phone number to Clara at the most opportune moment. Now the entire audience is aware that this is no mere woman; she obviously is going to come into play at some distant point in the future. For now she simply lingers as part of the murky ambiance revolving around Clara.

Regardless, the Doctor and Clara find each other across the centuries. It’s nice to have Jenna Coleman solidly on board at last. There is a pleasing chemistry between the two; although I have to say that I am getting tired of this endless string of attractive young girls following their libidos into the TARDIS. At least the Doctor displays naïve innocence in response to some of Clara’s suggestiveness, and his solicitation of her while she lies unconscious is charming.

There are some nice moments in the story. The “I don’t know where I am” refrain is haunting and the Spoonheads creepy, even if derivative of previous serials. The Doctor’s transformation from monk to “sensible clothes” is delightful. “Summer Falls by Amelia Williams” is a sweet touch. “It’s a time machine; you never have to wait for breakfast,” is fun. And my personal favorite: “I can’t tell the future; I just work there.”

Other than that, The Bells of Saint John is yet another set up episode. It is setting up Clara’s character and her relationship with the Doctor. It is introducing mysteries surrounding the Probable Girl. And it is establishing the Great Intelligence as the overarching villain for the remainder of the season. As usual, it has just enough entertainment value to keep things interesting.

I don’t know the future, Gary. I don’t even work there. But I can predict more of the same as the Eleventh Doctor winds down his run, and I foresee a mixture of annoyance and amusement yet to come.