Dear Gary—
Each time I write one of these I vow that I will continue to push on more often and consistently. And each time I fail. I don’t even know how many months it has been since I last wrote, Gary. Maybe it has been years. I guess I can blame my lack of ambition on the times around me, but when I get down to it Doctor Who is ultimately at fault. It gives me little to no inspiration.
The Eaters of Light happens to have some glimmers of motivational hope. Not much, but some. It is enjoyable and moderately clever. The presence of Nardole, especially, gives the episode some life.
Of course, there are some huge question marks and plot holes, but the story itself is pleasant enough so I can overlook them. The supporting cast is personable and there are some very nice exchanges scattered throughout.
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Sorry, Gary. I wrote the above almost a year ago and never finished. That is how ‘inspired’ I was. I’m not sure what is inspiring me to soldier on now, but here I go.
As the serial begins I am struck by the inane reason for our trio to have landed in 2nd century Scotland in search of the Roman Ninth Legion. If they were simply curious and wanting to find out the fate of this mysterious Ninth Legion, that would have been lame enough. But no, there is some trumped up argument between the Doctor and Bill about whether or not this Legion is truly ‘lost.’ Of course they are ‘lost’ or ‘missing’ or whatever term you like, because neither the Doctor nor Bill nor History knows the Legion’s destiny. I am therefore mystified as to what exactly the point of contention is between The Doctor and Bill. Bill makes her claim of authority based upon the ‘book’ she read; the Doctor upon his first hand experience. I give the edge to the Doctor on that one, but I’m still not sure what the crux of the argument is. I guess Bill contends that the Romans are still alive and kicking, whereas the Doctor expects they died in battle. But if Bill is correct, what then? Their fate is still unknown (at this point). So the Ninth Legion is still missing. “They disappeared,” says the Doctor. “Except they didn’t,” claims Bill. OK, Bill, based upon your vast store of knowledge gleaned from ‘a book,’ you therefore know exactly where they are? No, I guess not because Bill is simply guessing that “they’d have followed the river.” Ok, Bill, so they followed the river—and then they disappeared. Their whereabouts are still unknown. So what is the point of this ridiculous debate?
Not a good way to start the story. Thankfully it picks up from there.
Bill goes her separate way from the Doctor and Nardole, in search of her Roman Legion. She does find a handful of soldiers who have survived; meanwhile the Doctor discovers the charred remains of the bulk of the slaughtered Legion. So I guess each is ‘right’ in their own way, even though I really don’t think there were ever any serious or legitimate sides.
From here we enter into the alien of it all—the monster that the Scottish lass Kar has let loose from its ancient confines constructed by her ancestors that she was supposed to guard but, oh gosh, the Romans are so much scarier and so she set the monster free to devour them and, oops, now the monster is roaming the countryside endangering all of Mankind.
It is a decent enough scenario to provide some dash and splash adventure. Kar is an interesting character full of false bravado and speeches, allowing for some interesting exchanges with the Doctor. Nardole goes full-on native with the Scottish, allowing for some fun. And Bill teaming up with the Roman soldiers—well, they are not quite as successful.
I’m sorry, Gary. I try to stay positive and then the banality of it all comes crashing in. Bill in the company of the soldiers has possibilities but the opportunity is squandered. The central message that comes through is that Bill and the show are insecure with her lesbianism.
Bill to Lucious: “This is probably just a really difficult idea. I don't like men, that way.” That is not a “difficult idea,” it is an extremely inappropriate and presumptuous thing for Bill to say to a young boy who was simply offering a hurt and distressed young girl some aid and comfort. Especially in front of a group of his friends and compatriots. He might have been sending a few ‘crush’ vibes, but he most certainly was not making any overt advances. He was offering her food and shelter and she took this for a pass. If she had instead said, “I’m married,” or “I’m not interested in you,” that would have been just as inappropriate and presumptuous. The whole exchange that follows, with Lucious turning the tables on Bill and calling her ‘restricted’ for only liking one sex, is all fine and dandy and somewhat amusing, but it is loudly proclaiming how self-conscious the series has become. And in the meantime the potential for some serious and complex character development is abandoned.
Thankfully the Doctor and Nardole are on hand to keep the story entertaining and on track. And the stand-off and eventual coming together of the Scottish and the Romans is a nice bit. There is some re-tread of the whole ‘Tardis translates languages’ that has been covered several times throughout the run of the series, but it is mildly amusing here:
LUCIUS: You sound like children.
KAR: You sound like children too.
DOCTOR: You all do.
BILL: Is this what happens when you understand what everyone in the universe is saying? Everybody just sounds like children?
DOCTOR: There are exceptions.
NARDOLE: Thank you very much.
DOCTOR: Not you.
Followed by the Doctor summing up the story with this: “Okay, kids, pay attention. She slaughtered your legion. You slaughtered everything that she loves. Now, you all have a choice. You can carry on slaughtering each other till no one is left standing, or you grow the hell up! Because there's a new war now. I think these creatures are light-eating locusts, looking for rents and cracks between worlds to let themselves into dimensions of light. Once they break through, they eat. They will eat the sun, and then they will eat the stars. And they will keep eating until there are no stars left. So, whose side are you on now? Because as far as I can see, there's only one side left.”
The only thing remaining is for Kar and the Romans to team up, enter the vortex, and defend the Earth against these mythical light-eaters until the end of time—or the end of their human life-spans, whichever comes first. Of course preceding this there is the typical Doctor attempting to take it all on himself and Bill and Nardole keeping him from sacrificing himself so that Kar and the soldiers can heroically step into the breach to carry on their endless song of war. It’s best not to think too much about any of this. It really doesn’t matter. The show really doesn’t care if any of it makes logical sense. It’s all just a feel-good moment, and ahhh, the little girl in the present can hear the ghost of a sound of the music those brave Kar soldiers are playing eternally underground that is keeping the light-eating beasts at bay.
Finally, we have the return to the TARDIS and the reveal that Missy has been let loose from the vault and is on board for the long-haul—or the remaining haul of the season. This, of course, has been the overarching theme that is now coming to fruition. OK, fine. Missy is at least an intriguing character. Bring her on.
I’ll sign off now, Gary. I don’t know how long it will be until I can muster the spirit to write again.
