The Leisure Hive

Dear Gary—

I want to like The Leisure Hive, I really do, and I have to say that each time I watch it I’m not completely bored, just not very interested. It is a story full of red herrings and dead ends that run around in circles to little effect.

Because I don’t have much investment in the story my mind wanders over nagging questions and random observations. Such as, I don’t much care for the Doctor’s new ensemble, and why oh why does Romana insist on running around in that ridiculous beach costume when they have left Brighton behind? I normally don’t pay close attention to the incidental music, but because my mind is wandering I can’t help but find it odd at best.  Then I think, for a place billed as a leisure hive there doesn’t seem to be a lot of leisure going on. There are no chairs, lounges, sofas, not even any artwork to look at. All the visitors seem to do is stand around for an hour and a half watching a science demonstration and listening to a lecture. A couple of lucky guests do get to play a game or two of non-gravity squash, but who in their right mind is going to pay good money and waste precious vacation time on such a place? No wonder Argolis is going bankrupt.

Then there are the logistics of the place itself. Romana begins to recite the tragic history of Argolis with unwarranted delight while she and the Doctor are still at Brighton, and we get the rest of the story from a more properly somber Mena later in the hive. As a result of a war that lasted all of 20 minutes, Argolis is laid waste and left with a deadly atmosphere. All of this happened 40 years ago and the surviving Argolins have dedicated their remaining lives and their protective hive to peace and understanding. And oh yes, they have developed a new science called tachyonics. Now my questions are these: If the war lasted only 20 minutes resulting in a deadly atmosphere, how could they build the hive? Did they have lots of suicidal workers who did as much as they could before succumbing to the killer air? Where did the rest of the Argolins hang out in the mean time? And when exactly did they develop this new science? I would assume such a thing would take time, yet it seems to have sprung up over night, much like the hive, immediately after the war.

Once my mind stops wandering over these questions I do take note of the exquisite costumes and makeup on the Argolins before roaming off again.

Why, I wonder, does Stimson object to the Doctor’s presence for Hardin’s experiment but not Romana’s? And what exactly is he doing in the background, slowly making his way to the exit by degrees and turns? He looks like a windup toy that is winding down. And why the heck does he throw his glasses down on the ground while briskly walking through the hall? What exactly is Stimson’s game anyway? Is he running a scam? He knows Hardin’s experiment is a fake but doesn’t seem to care if Hardin perfects it or not. Why is he financing it? There is no indication that the Argolins (who are facing bankruptcy) are going to pay for the experiment. What is Stimson up to? He appears to be in league with Brock, put to what purpose?

An awful lot of questions for a character who comes and goes in a flash with no seeming purpose other than to get himself murdered and the Doctor in trouble for that murder (“His scarf killed Stimson” “Arrest the scarf then.”).

I come out of my reverie again long enough to be touched by Hardin’s concern for the rapidly aging Mena only to veer off once more.

Romana proves immensely helpful to Hardin, but then how is it that she gets so careless? How can she in good conscience submit the Doctor to the time experiment without having watched their test through to its conclusion? And then I have to question, how is it that this time experiment that is designed to roll back time ends up actually aging the Doctor? Yes, I know the experiment goes awry, but the test with the hourglass did successfully reverse time rather than accelerate it. I’m not sure what exactly happened to the hourglass when things went wrong, but it didn’t appear to be a result of the reversal of the process. Shouldn’t theoretically the Doctor emerge as a baby rather than an old man?

I start paying attention again because the Doctor’s old man makeup is quite good and he really does a splendid job of it. “I’m sick of being old,” a subdued Doctor sighs after only a few moments. His body might be weak but his mind remains active. “And then the name of the thing. Has that struck you?” he asks the younger and livelier Hardin and Romana. “Recreation Generator. Re-creation.”

Then I get lost in this whole world of tachyonics and the musings take over. Like I wonder what those red plastic dummies are that are scattered about the place. And does anybody remember or care that Visitor Loman’s body was horrendously torn apart by the tachyon cabinet? And why is it that Brock, who is really a Foamasi traitor in disguise, is the only one who shows any concern when Morix dies? Even Morix’ own wife Mena sweeps his death aside with no more thought than “He did his duty. I automatically become Chairman in his place.” In fact, other than an obviously smitten Hardin, the fake Brock is the only one who expresses any feeling when Mena deteriorates before their eyes. For a murderous saboteur Brock is surprisingly compassionate. But then as the Doctor says, “One must always accept the unexpected.”

My thought processes continue along the lines of Brock. We discover he is a Foamasi in disguise working with fellow undercover criminal Klout. Yet both of these are accounted for in their human masks when we are shown a Foamasi sabotaging the hive. OK, so this is a colleague, but why does no one spot a big green scaly Foamasi roaming about the halls? And why does no one think to round up any of these stray Foamasi betrayers that still might be lurking about the place? And if Brock is working to undermine the hive, why his interest in helping Hardin perfect his time experiment? By the way, what’s with the rather lame close up reaction shots of individual faces while Brock and Klout are unmasked? As for the Foamasi government, I assume he misspoke and meant to say he is with the Foamasi government and not the Foamasi government. But why, knowing he was going to Argolis and would eventually need to communicate with its people, why would he not bring his own voice synthesizer along?

 But Brock, the Foamasi, Stimson, and Hardin are all ultimately sidelined as villains or potential villains when the big reveal is unleashed. Again I have to compliment the makeup and costumes at this point. Pangol is rather impressive in his Helmet of Theron as he marches to his victorious future. And he has such a beautiful cherub face and deep dark eyes. But really, why all the fuss? Why is everyone so desperately afraid of Pangol and his army of petulant boys on a dead planet with no weapons or ships? And what business is it really of the Doctor and Romana, the petty politics of this piffling planet to paraphrase an earlier story?

Of course the Doctor does have to get young again, which he does miraculously when he emerges in multitudes out of the Recreation Generator. I don’t know if it is because my mind wandered so much or if it is just inexplicable, but I really have no clue what happens at the end, what with the unstable tachyon Doctor/Pangol images and the de-aging of Mena and Pangol. I don’t know if it is the work of Hardin, Pangol, Romana, or the Doctor, or a combination thereof. I also don’t know if any of the results were intended or just happy accident.

All I know is that I come out of my reverie in time to hear the Doctor and Romana discuss leaving the Randomizer behind: “There’s been enough randomizing on this job.” As for the threat of the Black Guardian: “Some galactic hobo with ideas above his station.” Romana reminds the Doctor that they were supposed to be on holiday and my mind flashes back to that agonizingly long opening pan over the chairs of Brighton beach and I scream, ‘No! Don’t go back there!’ I needn't worry: “Well then, I’m going to be very glad to get back to work.”

Thank you, Doctor. I’ll be glad when you get back to work myself. So I’ll send these rambling thoughts out, Gary, and hope for something more coherent next time.