The Husbands of River Song

Dear Gary—

I’m actually writing about a Christmas episode during the course of the holiday season. Not that The Husbands of River Song has much to do with Christmas. There is some snow and some carol singing to start the show and that’s about it. I do wonder why the Doctor chose to park in the middle of Christmas just to post a sign warning off carolers, but oh well (as we say in New Berlin).  What The Husbands of River Song does deliver is some unabashed silliness as a Yuletide treat.

With the first sight of the Doctor sporting felt antlers on his head the tone is set, and his admonishment of the TARDIS for the unwanted hologramatic novelty furthers the theme. The Doctor is grumpy (understandably so given recent events) and is in need of some holiday cheer. The Husbands of River Song is exactly what he (and the audience) needs.

For the most part it works, although probably more so if viewed while drinking some Christmas nog. It’s not especially memorable or notable, but it’s some well played fun; and Peter Capaldi and Alex Kingston are clearly enjoying themselves as the Doctor and River. This is the strength of the episode. The plot is incidental.

The head in a bag gag is funny with its giant angry mechanical body trailing after it. The restaurant dedicated to the murderous of the universe is interesting and the blue toady Flemming fits in perfectly. The sight of interchangeable Nardole and Ramone cyborg heads is a bit unsettling but I’ll let that pass.  The diamond lodged in Hydroflax’s brain and the ensuing sale/auction is enough of an excuse to tie all the elements together and provide an entertaining story. The Doctor and River navigating this plot is the payoff.

“I married the diamond.” River continually justifies her marriage with Hydroflax to the Doctor without knowing he is the Doctor. It is a very merry mix-up, and although I find it hard to believe that it takes so long for River to catch on, it makes for some fine comedy. The Doctor’s reactions alone are worth it. River’s free-wheeling, devil-may-care, morally ambiguous lifestyle is on full display here for Peter Capaldi’s disapproving Doctor to see, yet he is caught up in the fun despite himself.

The Doctor is clearly disappointed in River (“Because they cross; I’ve got cross arms”) yet he is also clearly enjoying the adventure. “I can’t approve of any of this, you know,” he tells River, “but I haven’t laughed in a long time.” Indeed, the sight of the Doctor laughing as he gets unceremoniously dumped into the snow is a delight. Equally amusing is the Doctor making a proper show of the “it’s bigger on the inside” shtick. And the talking head in a bag (“We’re being threatened by a bag! By a head in a bag!”) adds the perfect touch of absurdity to the proceedings.

The shift towards the emotional also works thanks to the Doctor and River. River’s speeches about unrequited love are obviously scripted. “You don’t expect a sunset to admire you back,” is a lovely sentiment but it just doesn’t flow naturally. The feelings behind the words, however, are pure, and Alex Kingston conveys them best in the quiet moments. The discussion about River’s diary is especially effective.

The Doctor: “Is it sad?”

River: “Why would a diary be sad?”

The heartbreak in River’s eyes is obvious even for the Doctor to see.

The use of the diary does get a bit heavy handed, particularly as Flemming pages through it for the entertainment of the devout diners, but it is a great call back and beautifully brings the Doctor’s and River’s relationship full circle. What was started in Silence in the Library has been a long and sometimes bumpy road, but it is impressive how it has navigated across the years and through the change of Doctors with its confusing timelines and has stayed relatively true to itself. And once again, much credit to Alex Kingston. She has played expertly off each actor, subtly adapting to every change in the Doctor’s persona, yet remaining constant in her love for the man within. I have not always enjoyed the River story, but I have always enjoyed Alex Kingston.

I have to say, Gary, that the relationship between River and this twelfth Doctor is the most impressive. Her time with the tenth was too short and unexplored. Her time with the eleventh often seemed awkward and forced. With Peter Capaldi, however, the two can meet on mature and level ground and as a result this parting of the ways is that much more effective.

“Times end, River, because they have to.” At last the Doctor has learned this lesson (one companion too late). Gone are the wailings and flailings; gone are the histrionics; gone are the wrong-headed and stubborn refusal of the inevitable. What remains is the quiet and tender goodbye to lives long loved and lived.

River understandably hesitates: “I want you to know that if this is the last night, I expect you to find a way round it.” However the Doctor gently reminds her, “Every night is the last night for something.”  The Doctor has been putting off this fated night, time after time cancelling their inexorable date at the Singing Towers of Darillium. But the towers and Darillium have finally crashed into his and River’s timeline, and in his best Doctor way he takes the glaring facts as presented to him and arranges them to perfection. With a suggestion here, a diamond there, and a TARDIS leap or two he orchestrates the entire evening.

And again in best Doctor Who fashion: “How long is a night on Darillium?” – “Twenty four years.”

River understands—“Happy ever after doesn’t mean forever. It just means time. A little time.” The Doctor has given her time; he has given her happy ever after.

For all of the contrived happily ever afters that New Who has foisted upon us, this is the only one that rewards. One could easily flow from The Husbands of River Song to the Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead pairing and see the full arc of this romance fulfilled.

“And they both lived . . .”

Here’s hoping, Gary; “happily. . .”